Commanding the Heart: Understanding the Science of Making Your Brain Fall Out of Love


Commanding the Heart: Understanding the Science of Making Your Brain Fall Out of Love

Explore the intriguing intersection of love, psychology, and neuroscience. Discover if it's possible to make your brain fall out of love and learn practical steps for handling emotional detachment. This article offers a compassionate perspective on navigating breakups, unrequited love, and personal growth.

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Have you ever wondered if it’s possible to intentionally induce a “change of heart?” To delve into the depths of human emotions and unravel how their immense power can be tamed, specifically focusing on love; a universal feeling that seizes us in its comforting yet, at times, heart-wrenching grip. By understanding the ways both our brain and heart react, we can learn about a topic many of us have contemplated at some point: Can you make your brain fall out of love?

In this enlightening exploration, we’ll dive into the world of neuroscience and psychology to discuss the machinations of love, the concept of falling out of it, and whether it’s possible to consciously guide your brain through this process.

What Is Love (Scientifically)?

Often represented metaphorical heart shapes and romantic escapades, love can feel incredibly abstract and profoundly connected to our emotional, spiritual, and personal worlds. But beneath these affections lies a powerful concoction of biophysical reactions that science can help us understand.

Love, in the domain of neuroscience, is a compelling dance of hormones and neurotransmitters. It begins with a surge of phenylethylamine or PEA which triggers the release of dopamine and norepinephrine, thus creating feelings of elation, extreme focus, and boundless energy. These chemicals, combined with oxytocin, A.K.A. the “cuddle chemical” released during physical contact, and vasopressin, play a crucial role in forming passionate and long-term attachments.

Meanwhile, the cortex – the ‘thinking’ part of our brain – constructs a cognitive appraisal model, explaining why and how we love someone, often reinforcing our emotional investment in the relationship. Thus, the sentiment of love becomes deeply ingrained in us, both chemically and cognitively.

The Concept of “Falling out of Love”

While completely natural, the process of falling out of love is often met with confusion and distress. Psychologists have suggested that this phenomenon might be associated with a gradual decline in the levels of the very chemicals that strongly contribute to feelings of love. This effect can lead us to feel distant, disinterested, or even resentful towards someone we once held dear. A realization like this can be jarring, making us question the validity of our previous emotions.

Several reasons can trigger falling out of love, ranging from a significant breach of trust and the erosion of connection due to neglect, to an evolved self that no longer aligns with the qualities of the current partner. Whatever the cause may be, understanding that love isn’t always permanent can assist in dealing with the complex feelings of emotional detachment.

The Possibility of Making Your Brain Fall out of Love

Can we command our brain to turn off the deep-rooted feelings of love? There’s no definitive answer as emotions aren’t entirely under our conscious control. Meanwhile, research from the field of neuroplasticity tells us that the brain is an adaptable organ, capable of forming new neurons and connections, hinting at the possibility.

According to cognitive behavioral therapists, we can influence our emotions by changing our thoughts and behavior’s. They emphasize the power of mindfulness and cognitive reframing in overcoming emotional distress.

However, while science guides us through understanding our brain, it does not offer a magic ‘off’ switch for love. But don’t despair; the next section offers actionable tips to nudge your brain into reconfiguring its views towards your once cherished love.

Practical Steps to Make Your Brain Fall out of Love

These steps won’t offer an overnight solution but provide a strategic approach to reshaping your emotional landscape:

  • A. Emotional Detox: Start by severing ties with the person and removing their reminders. It will help control the chemical rush in the brain that their presence or memory ignites.
  • B. Engage in Self Care: Practice mindfulness, embrace a healthy lifestyle, work on personal development. Nurturing oneself will redirect focus away from your emotional scars.
  • C. New Neural Pathways: Teach your brain new routes by forming habits and creating new memories. Regular exercise, for instance, releases ‘happy hormones’ dopamine and serotonin.
  • D. Professional Help: Psychological distress shouldn’t be taken lightly. Therapists and psychologists can guide you through cognitive restructuring.


The interplay of blameless chemicals and brain circuits influence the profound feelings of love we experience. Although falling out of love can be a tangled process, understanding the machinations of your mind can assist in this emotional transition. While it’s challenging to definitively make your brain stop loving someone intentionally, steps like emotional detox, self-care, forming new habits, and seeking professional help can gradually guide your mind towards emotional detachment.

Remember, patience is vital in this journey. With time, the intensity of love and longing will fade, allowing space for healing and growth.

Time, along with the steps above, can assist you in your journey towards emotional healing. Please reach out to mental health professionals if emotional distress becomes overwhelming. For further insight, check out our recommended readings on navigating through love, loss, and mental health.

Remember, it’s okay to seek help, and it’s okay to focus on your wellbeing. After all, the most enduring relationship you have is the one with yourself.