If you want to lose 10 lbs, but keep consuming sweets without exercising, how would that behavior help you achieve your goal? If you want to find y
If you want to lose 10 lbs, but keep consuming sweets without exercising, how would that behavior help you achieve your goal?
If you want to find your life partner, but you keep repeating the same pattern, how would that help you find the right one?
If you want to find your dream job, but you are still staying at the same place without doing anything about it, how would that lead you to your goal?
To get the result you want, action steps must be made. People who are successful in getting what they want take actions.
I have a permission to share case studies here.
Lin strongly believes in God. She believes and feels that God arranges everything in life. She follows God’s guidance in every step in life.
She asked me why she keeps attracting the wrong men in her life. Those men are not available for her. They are either married or they date other people while she dates only one man. As a result, she makes herself unavailable for other potential partners.
A few years ago, she met a man through a friend of her. Her friend introduced her to this man. They never met in person. They had a long distance relationship. They communicated through e-mails and phones. Lin gave all her heart to him while he was dating some other women. He kept telling her that he would come to meet her in person, but it never happened. Lin was in this relationship for over a year. It led her no where. Finally, she realized that it would not work because he never showed up. She decided to break up with him.
After she broke up with that man, she dated another man in her area. He was a married man. He also had a lot of issues. She decided to tell him that she wanted to be friend with him.
Next, she met another man in her area. She had been dating him for five months. Yes, she fell in love with him. Recently he just told Lin that he was unhappily married. He wants to continue having a long term relationship with Lin. So..what did Lin get herself into? She did not know from the beginning that he was married until recently. He fell in love with her too. Is it practical to be involved with a married man? What is she doing?
Another case study, John had been dating Vicki for 15 years while Vicki was dating other men. John was content with this relationship. He felt that having someone is better than having no one at all. This relationship lasted 15 years. It ended because it led John no where.
What insight do you see in these cases?
Here is what Lin and John realized after the coaching with me.
- Lin realized that she had her pattern. She keeps attracting unavailable men because she wanted to be rescued. She did not want to be alone. She did not have a crystal, clear, and compelling vision. She does not know her relationship requirements.
- God arranges everything, but it is still up to her to make a choice. She thanked God for sending those men to her. She realized that she needed to learn important lessons; discrimination, standing up for herself, boundaries, communication skills, being the chooser, self love, etc.
- John was being a person to be chosen. He stayed in his comfort zone without taking any risks to find an ideal relationship. It was better to be with someone than being alone.
If you want something, you need to put an effort into it. Asking God, wishing, dreaming, having vision, and goals are great steps. If you really want the result, there must be actions steps.
Here are some steps to have the relationship you want.
I invite you to ask yourself the following questions.
- What do I really want?
- Why do I want it? (This must be crystal, clear, and compelling. What are my good reasons?)
- Imagine having the relationship I want, what would that look like, feel like, and be like?
- What is stopping me from moving forward? (Fears of rejection, being hurt, abandonment, not good enough, not worhtly of love, failure, success, unknown, etc.)
- What would be the pay off if I am staying at the same place?
- What change do I need to make in order to have the relationship I want? (This could be old attitude, beliefs, letting go of fears, improving relationship skills, etc.)
- What one small step can I take today in order to achieve my goal?
- What am I committing in doing?
After you ask yourself those question, then, I invite you to take one small change/ action to lead you to where you want to go. Start by taking your first small step. You have the power to change and create a love relationship that you deserve.
You can do it! I believe in you! Go for it!