Study shows 2 in 5 Gen Z meet partners via DMs, outpacing dating apps as fatigue with swipes grows.
Recent research indicates that younger generations are increasingly using direct messages (DMs) on social platforms to start romantic connections. A survey of Gen Z respondents revealed that 40% met a partner through a DM slide—11% more than those who met via traditional dating apps. The shift comes as users report growing exhaustion with swipe‑based services.
Why Swipe‑Based Apps Are Losing Ground
A 2024 Forbes Health survey found that 78% of dating‑app users feel emotionally, mentally, or physically drained by the experience. Between 2021 and 2024, Match Group, the parent company of Tinder and Hinge, saw an 80% decline in market value, while Bumble reported similar user attrition. Matchmaker Germany Fox told PopSugar in 2024 that her Gen Z clients describe dating apps as “dead” and “polluted,” citing ghosting, catfishing, and the transactional feel of endless swiping.
An Axios and Generation Lab study from October 2023 reported that 79% of college students and other Gen Z individuals are skipping regular app usage in favor of meeting people in person or through existing social‑media channels. A 2023 Statista survey showed that users aged 30‑49 now represent 61% of dating‑app activity, while Gen Z accounts for only 26%.
What People Are Seeking in DMs
Not all DM initiators have the same goal. Some pursue casual flings, others seek long‑term relationships, and a smaller segment looks for specific arrangements such as sugar‑dating. Across intentions, the typical sequence remains consistent: a “like,” a reply to a story, then a direct message.
Gen Z and millennials tend to disclose their preferences early, reducing wasted time and mismatched expectations. This upfront communication has become a hallmark of DM culture rather than a drawback.
Instagram Emerges as the Unofficial Dating App
With over 1 billion monthly users, Instagram now ranks among Gen Z’s top tools for deepening connections. A platform‑conducted survey placed DMs at the forefront of preferred contact methods. In a small study of 37 straight men, eight— all Gen Z— reported using Instagram instead of dating apps. One 25‑year‑old participant called Instagram “the biggest dating app on the planet, period.”
The process feels less forced than matching on a dedicated app because users already have context: they can view posts, mutual friends, and interests before reaching out. Cal State Fullerton sex‑and‑relationships professor Tara Suwinyattichaiporn describes a DM as “a form of digital flirting” that resonates with younger users who grew up integrating technology into personal relationships.
Fear of Rejection and the Appeal of Low‑Pressure Contact
A February 2024 Hinge trends report indicated that 95% of Gen Z users on the app fear rejection, with more than half saying the anxiety discourages them from pursuing potential matches. Direct messages provide a private, low‑pressure alternative: rejection occurs silently, without the awkwardness of a bar or dinner table.
According to Pew Research, 72% of teens engage with a romantic interest online before meeting in person, making DMs the first step rather than a later one.
Guidelines for Effective DM Flirting
Experts stress that traditional etiquette still applies. Users should read contextual cues, remain polite, and accept a “no thanks” without complaint. A DM works best when there is an existing connection—such as mutual follows or shared friends—rather than appearing out of the blue.
Relationship scientist Rachel Vanderbilt advises choosing the appropriate platform: Instagram is suitable for personal outreach, while professional networks like LinkedIn are not. She notes that attempts to “shoot their shot” on career‑focused sites rarely succeed.
Success Rates of Online‑Started Relationships
Data suggest that couples who meet online fare at least as well as those who meet offline. One study reported a 5.96% divorce or separation rate for marriages that began online, compared with 7.67% for in‑person meetings. Participants who met online also reported higher marital satisfaction.
A 2024 SSRS poll found that 61% of adults believe online‑origin relationships are as successful as offline ones. Additionally, The Knot surveyed nearly 17 000 couples planning weddings for 2025 and discovered that 27% started their relationship on a dating site or app.
Etiquette and the “Slide” Culture
While “sliding into DMs” can carry negative connotations, when approached respectfully it mirrors striking up a conversation at a party: informal, low‑stakes, and potentially meaningful. The rise of “slow dating” since the pandemic encourages taking time to get to know someone, prioritizing connection over speed. A DM fits this model because it allows respondents to reply at their own pace.
Millennial and Gen X singles describing their 2025 dating habits mentioned seeing friends‑of‑friends online and sending harmless messages. Swiping up on an Instagram story can be interpreted as either platonic or flirty, providing a flexible entry point.
Implications for the Future of Dating
Social interaction remains largely digital. Users scroll feeds, watch stories, and encounter potential crushes organically. The DM slide serves as a screen‑based adaptation of the traditional bar‑side approach—personal without being intrusive, direct without being aggressive.
Dating apps are not extinct, but they are no longer the default gateway for romance. Younger generations have embraced a method that aligns with their existing communication habits, making the initial ask feel smaller—even when the intention is serious.
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